There's a lot written about how early risers are happier, better liked and, obviously, more successful. One time I found this FastCo article about how some of the most creative and successful individuals in the world are night owls. I was like, heck yes I'm reading this, but then it turned out those weirdos who stayed up til 1/2/3 o'clock a.m. were also freaking early risers.
I indulge in probably some of my weirdest secret single person behaviors (WSSPB) upon going to bed and rising. And they are far from glamorous. People always whine about the unrealistic beauty ideals media presents us with. But what about these bogus garbage morning routines people are always lying about?
Here is how I'm to believe a successful woman goes about her morning routine:
- She wakes.
- She is wearing pajamas—as in clothes specifically crafted for sleeping.
- She stretches a bit and rolls out her yoga mat—this is one graceful, sweeping motion (if 6-a.m. sprints are her poison, she laces up her running shoes before her feet hit the floor).
- She makes french-press coffee—if she's not on a cleanse this week—and a smoothie with greens in it, possibly while reading the paper.
- Her underthings go beyond merely matching; they are a set.
- She styles her hair. Styles it.
- She either flips open her macbook in her chevron-walled home office, which is set off by french doors, or finds a seat on public transport—effortlessly. Glamorously.
Is this really happening in the world? I turn to you, readers: what is the real truth about your morning routines?
Help a girl who just self-loathingly googled Gwyneth Paltrow's morning routine out.