Thursday, April 11, 2013

Summer Gripes: Six-a-One/A Half-Dozen the Other

One time I got three double-yolk eggs in a one-dozen carton, and to be honest, I found it downright unsettling. I mean, what the heck was going on on that farm? What are the odds?

You know—the whole gamut of emotions.

Whenever I buy eggs, which is frequently enough, it always sort of blows my mind that I don't think to "check" the eggs. I mean those suckers are pretty fragile. So when the cashier checks them, I'm like, phew—I totally forgot to do that. And well, the eggs are pretty much always completely intact. All 12 of them.

What I'm trying to tell you is that I bought a 6-pack of beer tonight. And I just went to the fridge to retrieve a beer. And this is what I found:

Look how skinny I look.

Okay, can you tell from this photo that this is a beer bottle with a hole in it? It is. It's a beer bottle with a hole in it. Which I purchased. Tonight. An empty beer bottle. With a hole through which all of the beer leaked out. And not into my mouth! And not into my fridge. Not even into my car. It leaked out most likely long before I ever set eyes on that 6-pack.

All I can envision is like, the smuggest-ever chicken. And she's all like, "Hey humans, nice glass bottles. Well done."

But seriously, can I return this 6-pack? (There is one beer left.)


  1. I would try to return them. That seems like a dangerous thing the store should want to know about. They might not care, but they should...

  2. You got nothin' to lose. Take back the busted bottle. They'll at least refund some money or something. Next time you buy a 6-pack they'll be checking like it's a dozen eggs.


Your comments are why I get out of bed in the morning. Just kidding. But I do like them.