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Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Better Ways Bieber Could Have Concluded His Anne Frank House Guestbook Sentiments

Well, I’m sure you’ve heard the ruckus: Justin Bieber visited the Anne Frank house in Amsterdam and you better bebieb he left a little stamp of Justin in the guestbook.

Now, it’s possible we’ve all been a little tough on him being that he’s 14 years old. I mean I know I was a little self-involved when I was 14: I had my head so far up my butt with all of my “thrift store clothing” and my “vegetarianism” and my “volunteer work” and…wait, what? Nineteen? Nineteen “years” old? No way. Well, I was probably still a jerk. What with all my “thrift store clothing” and my “vegetarianism” and my “volunteer work”…



So Bieber’s memorandum started strong:

"Truly inspiring to be able to come here. Anne was a great girl…”

But somewhere along the line, his PR person was distracted by a bird or a boat in a canal or something. And Bieber went rogue:

“…Hopefully she would have been a belieber."

I’m sure his people are on it. But just in case, here is a list of better ways Bieber could have concluded his Anne Frank sentiments (I offer him full license to apply the tone of these suggestions when he visits Auschwitz or the Killing Fields.):

"Truly inspiring to be able to come here. Anne was a great girl.”

"Truly inspiring to be able to come here. Anne was a great girl. You guys have done a terrific job.”

"Truly inspiring to be able to come here. Anne was a great girl. I am deeply moved.”

"Truly inspiring to be able to come here. Anne was a great girl. I looooove ice cream!"

"Truly inspiring to be able to come here. Anne was a great girl. Also, the bathrooms here are so clean!

"Truly inspiring to be able to come here. Anne was a great girl. I know war and genocide are unpopular topics, but I encourage my fans to educate themselves on tragic global topics such as the modern-day events in Darfur—happening even right now. See how you can make a difference. Do it for Anne.

If those aren't quite self-promoting enough, I've thrown in two more for good measure:

"Truly inspiring to be able to come here. Anne was a great girl. As an incidental voice of my generation, I am deeply humbled by the power of Anne’s words. Deeply, deeply humbled. God bless, Amsterdam.”

"Truly inspiring to be able to come here. Anne was a great girl. Download Believe (Deluxe edition).”

3 comments:

  1. I too have been embarrassed by what I wrote in some guestbooks.

    Best to just sign your dumb name. This also applies to Graduation and Anniversary cards.

    ReplyDelete

Your comments are why I get out of bed in the morning. Just kidding. But I do like them.