Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Summer Gripes: 5 hour energy

This week, a promoter for Five Hour Energy dropped off a large pile of samples at my office. I'll be honest—this stuff scares me.

The packaging scares me.
The concept scares me.
The ingredients scare me.

But mostly, I have a problem with the television commercials. Now, I may be wrong, but commercials are supposed to make you want to purchase the advertised product, right? One method of doing this is to draw attention to the desirable attributes of the product and personalize it. The consumer will think... hey, I want those attributes. 

You know who knows how to do this? The people who did that Sprint Unlimited Data commercial with the cute busy girl.

I want her bedroom.
I want her kitchen.
I want her living room.
I want her taco truck lunch place. 
I want her local coffee house. 
I want her dog and boots.

I don't know what she does for work, but whatever it is, I want it to be my job. And apparently, Sprint Unlimited Data is going to help me get there.

But Five Hour Energy?

All I see as the benefits of this product is that it will a) make your wife hate you for ruining her sacred solo morning treadmill routine and b) make you do boring things faster, like answer phones, pass out mail, and fill out paperwork.

I don't want to be these people.

I don't want to be this lady:

I certainly don't want to be this guy...


or after he uses this product:

What are some products or TV ad spots that you JUST. DON'T. GET?


  1. And yes, if there were italics in comments I would have italicized 'finger'

  2. You're missing the main point of the ad (and 99% of all ads) entirely. Such an average, dumpy looking, boring shirt/ugly plaid tie wearing, dead end boring job having guy would never have gotten the attention and approval of his attractive co-worker without 5 Hour Energy.

  3. OMG. Those RIDICULOUS McDonald's commercials with the "egg McMuffin"-as-a-superlative shtick. I already don't want to eat at McDonald's because it's not good or healthy, and not I am afraid if I ever end up there for breakfast, it will make me stupid, too.

  4. Roxie said..

    There are times when I wouldn't mind pinching the heads off of the Geico Lizard and that sqawking Afflac Duck.

    1. Roxie added...

      I meant *squawking Aflac Duck*. I hate it when I don't proof-read before hitting publish!

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Your comments are why I get out of bed in the morning. Just kidding. But I do like them.