Monday, April 9, 2012

Adding Insult to Injury... but Whose Insult and Who's Injured?

Last Wednesday, I woke with a sore throat. Nah, I thought—I'm just tired. Thursday morning brought a new symptom: runny nose. Nah, I thought—I'm just really tired. Thursday afternoon brought more new symptoms: cough, chills, aches, disorientation... Ok maybe I'm sick. But I had places to see and people to go. Ok, yes I was definitely sick.

Last night was Sunday and my brother and sister-in-law brought me garlic and lemons at my request. And no, I didn't consume them together in some weird witchdoctor concoction. I needed to retrieve something from my car for my brother, but stepping outside my apartment gave me pause; I hadn't driven since Thursday night and was having a hard time remembering where I had parked. I tried to play the evening back in my head—retrace my steps—but there was nothing there except a gray phlegmy cloud. It didn't matter; I knew what had happened. Being this sick wasn't enough, universe? You had to tow my car as well? A quick search on the impound lot's website (how marvelously user-friendly!) confirmed it: my car had been towed.

Last night, I remained the type of sick that causes me to decide to call my mother and leave that sort of pitiful, Hi Mom, just calling to see how you're doing...haven't talked to you in a while... I've been a little under the weather... *cough**cough**cough**...  message, though my voice did most of the work. Today, she brought me ham. Then gave me a ride to the impound lot. I decided the way to really stick it to the city of Minneapolis was to show up wearing what I was wearing: yellow t-shirt with red sauce stain, cropped teal sweatpants, a hole-y cardigan, glasses, and running shoes (—I had committed to this ensemble since Friday after all). 

One demonstrates respect by dressing up, right? Weddings, interviews, funerals...  So I would demonstrate my disrespect by showing up looking like a cat lady who stayed up all night playing internet poker. Awesome plan, flu-face.

But as I walked toward the impound lot entrance and caught my reflection in the glass doors, I had to wonder... who is really getting punished here?


  1. Mmmmmm, So it's not allergies. Hope you feel better soon, and so sorry about your car. What a drag. Did it get towed because you hadn't moved it? SO annoying.

  2. I've also done the "I really don't want to be here so you will see me at my worst" outfit/hygiene plan. It almost never works out. I usually see someone I haven't seen since high school and then they think I'm homeless.

  3. Replies
    1. You can hardly call it "breathing" when it makes this kind of noise...

  4. Roxie said....

    I hope you didn't wear your Invisalign Braces. Making your teeth look good would have insulted your whole appearance.

    1. I wore them because the lisp they cause, combined with my nasally sick-voice, made me sound more than a little drunk...


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