Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Ask Hobo Siren

Welcome to my fake column where I make up questions and then respond to them. If you would like to also make up a question, whether it be for necessity's sake or otherwise, feel free to email me at and I shall promptly address your query.

This week's question comes from me, sitting on my brother's couch in my brother's living room two feet from the air mattress I have spent about fifteen nights of the past three or four months on. From here I can see an awesome thrift-store find that I gifted my brother when I moved to Vermont a couple years ago, knowing how much he loved the picture.

Dear Hobo Siren, 

A few years ago I gave this print to my brother and now I'm going to have a steady home-dwelling-place with an electric bill and dish towels where my own mail will come to my own mailbox. I have no art or knick-knacks or anything of the sort. Can I ask for my picture back?


I only own five things 

Dear  I only own five things,

First of all let me say that it's an honor to know that I have readers who are so attractive and intelligent and funny and smart and pretty. I'd also like to take this opportunity to tell you what great taste you have. I understand that many readers may not get the appeal of such a bold and daring piece of nostalgically-masculine Americana. I applaud your discriminating eye.

But the short answer is no. Not only did you gift the item, he went and improved it by taking it out of its wonky frame and having it put into this beautifully handcrafted one. Then, despite your sister-in-law's subtle dissent, went and paired it with those awesome longhorns. 

The factors that were weighed in this response were the following:
  • do you have a relationship with this person still?
  • would you like to continue it?
  • is the item you want back in a better or worse place than before?
    • pet owners, pay special attention to this one
  • was it a gift or was the person merely acting as storage?

I hope this response was helpful. Make sure your brother reads this and then get out there and build your nest... with items you'll have to get rid of in another six months when you decide nesting is overrated. 


Your comments are why I get out of bed in the morning. Just kidding. But I do like them.