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Friday, December 2, 2011

Summer Gripes: Stp w/ the abbrvtns alrdy!

Did you know that, most likely, multi-taskers are doing no such thing? In fact, multiple studies conclude that those who think they're really good at multi-tasking are actually the worst multi-taskers. They have trouble tuning out distractions and switching tasks compared with those who multitask less. ALSO, there is evidence that multitasking may weaken cognitive ability. 

Weakens cognitive ability? Are you kidding me? Listening to NPR while watching Super 8 while drinking wine while exfoliating while making a to-do list while cooking a pot of beans while clipping my dog's nails while writing this is BAD FOR MY BRAIN?

Do we multi-task because we're bored? Or are we trying to save time? What are other dumb things we do to save time that don't actually save time? And what is the toll?

These gripping questions lead to my gripe of the week:

We are facing an epidemic of verbally abbreviated words and we must stop. It is gross and it is ruining everything.

Here are the 4 worst abbreviations of the week. 

1.) Adorbs—short for "adorable"
"Adorable" means "very attractive, delightful, charming" and the word adorbs means "absorbent like an adult diaper."
2.) Schedj—short for "schedule"
This is actually a phlegm-y cough that leads to an embarrassing accident. 
3.) Presh—short for "precious"
This is actually the act of suffocating a premature infant. 
4.) Natch—short for "natural" or "naturally"
Seriously? One letter off from one of the worst words in English. This is a pustular scab developed from a spider bite that is actually full of baby spiders.

Stop it, America. Stop. Stop. Stop.

12 comments:

  1. You drink wine while clipping your dog's nails? I wish I'd thought of that; it would make things SO much more fun, really.

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  2. Kerry- it is the only time I'm brave enough. Now, if I could get her to have just a little nip it would be less traumatic for both of us...

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  3. I'VE BEEN TOLD I HAVE A FANT ASS

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Your comments are why I get out of bed in the morning. Just kidding. But I do like them.