Thursday, December 15, 2011

McCrickets & Regret

Kady of A Lady Reveals Nothing recently phrased this question: "Have you ever put tons of effort into what you thought would be a wildly hilarious joke and then...crickets?" 

A couple of years ago, some normally responsible friends and I decided to have a night on the town. The evening included tacos, martinis, piano-bar karaoke, and then sort of came to a stand-still as we made one of the poorer decisions of the evening...

We would stay up ALL NIGHT! 

We settled on a destination: our friend's basement. But upon arriving, the mood quickly turned as we realized there was a reason we didn't do things like this. It's sort of like how I have to go to a Chinese buffet every 18 months or so to remind myself why I don't go to Chinese buffet. But we were committed. It was a little past 5:00 a.m. when Eric and I were recruited to retrieve McDonald's breakfast sandwiches for all. 

Eric and I purchased everyone's sandwiches with the cash we'd been given and sat down in a booth to quickly consume ours before heading back.

Around 6:00 a.m., sitting at a McDonald's booth, running on nearly 40 hours of sleeplessness, the idea came to me like a wildfire. I laughed maniacally as I gingerly unwrapped each of the six breakfast sandwiches and took one, perfectly mouth-shaped bite, then re-wrapped...good as new. As soon as I gift-wrapped the last sandwich, I met Eric's horrified eyes and knew...

I had made a huge mistake.

Overwhelmed by a sense of impending doom, Eric insisted on re-purchasing the sandwiches. We went to the car and dug through the ashtray and glove box. We emptied our wallets and pockets. We came up with 92 cents. The fateful decision would have to stand: I would hand over a bag full of breakfast sandwiches, each with a perfect bite taken out, which I did... by throwing the bag down the stairs, then going into hiding.

I'm very McSorry.

Do you have any idea how grumpy people are when they're unwrapping their egg mcmuffin at 6:45 am after an all-nighter? Now, do you have any idea how homicidal they are after finding a perfect bite taken out?


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