Thursday, June 14, 2012

How to Win an Argument

There are two ways to win an argument.
  1. The first one is to persuade your opponent to your way of thinking. This is the unicorn of arguing...

  2. So it's best to aim for the second manner of winning: To look better than the other person.
Arguing can get get ugly (no, really —angry people look ugly) and dumb (no, really —angry people say and do ridiculous things). There are some obvious rules:
  • If you're genuinely so heated and upset that spit is coming out of your mouth, walk away. Tell the other person you will be right back when you are no longer in danger of pulmonary embolism (I don't know what that is, but it sounds real bad).
  • If someone needs to remove themselves from the argument, LET THEM. Allow them to walk away and gather their big-boy/girl thoughts. Take advantage of this time to gather yours.

With those in mind, here is how to make the other person look like an @$$ be a class-act in an argument:

Do not overcompensate with strong language or raised volume.
  • Loud volume and profanity indicate a weak, emotion-based argument.
  • The calmer person is winning. Trust me.
Listen listen listen listen.
  • Do you really know where the other person is coming from? Do you really know what the disagreement is about? This is the only way to find out.
  • The one listening more than speaking is winning.
Think before you speak.
  • It sounds obvious, but this is difficult to pull off when you're upset.
  • Words hold a lot of weight and can inflict a lot of damage.
  • The one inflicting the least damage is winning.
Do not assail a person's character.
  • If you insult a person, you have just lost.
Thou shalt not utter either of the two following words: Always. Never.
  • They are never true.
  • As soon as these have exited your mouth, you have lost your argument.
Do not offer a response if you don't have one in order to hold the floor in some pathetic pseudo-filibuster.
  • Simply say, "I don't know what I think about that right this moment."
  • If silence is your response, offer it with an explanation: "I'm sorry; I don't know what to say. I need to think."
Never point.
  • Especially at them or in their face.
  • If you must use emphatic gestures, keep your palms facing yourself to avoid making the other person feel attacked.
If you don't have a logical explanation, admit it.
  • It's okay to say, "This is just how I feel."
Look for any common groundevery possible opportunity to say, "You're right; I agree."
  • This will stupify them.

I hope these manipulation classy tips help you the next time you are engaged in interpersonal discord. 


  1. Hahahahaaaaa!!!

    Remember that time in Michigan when you kept trying to walk away from me and I kept following you from room to room? HAHHAAAAAAAA this is making me LOLZ.

    (Have you ever even had a fight with anybody else besides me?)

  2. I bet you learned all of this from fighting with Eddie.


Your comments are why I get out of bed in the morning. Just kidding. But I do like them.