Monday, October 3, 2011

A Tourist in your Own City

The best way to see your city is through the eyes of a foreigner. That's how Brandon, my Entergy customer service representative, has been viewing his city the past six weeks.

Brandon is incredibly quotable but very difficult to impersonate as he uses about 220% more words than necessary to convey an idea.

Best Brandon quote to date:
"They abstain! They're abstinent! It's called abstinence! It's the best kind of sex there is."

For best results, inject as much excitement and emotion as possible into that statement while reading at an auctioneer's pace. That's almost Brandon.

Brandon thinks all white people are classy, calm and laid back and I have to constantly counsel him for saying racist things about black people. Oh, here is a picture of him.

The other day Kady, Brandon and I ran an appointment and Kady commented on how beautiful the clouds were in New Orleans. Brandon remarked, "Ya'll are so observant!"

How could we not be in this city? In this city that Brandon apologizes for with the most amazing words I've ever heard (which I made him repeat): "Pardon our progress."

Below are some things that I saw that Brandon never saw before I pointed them out. Probably because he's usually doing this:

Please Enjoy:

A plea to the president to "rebuild New Orleans, not Iraq" in honor of lives
lost in the Lower 9th Ward
The Abandoned Six Flags gets me every time

I wasn't willing to risk arrest to get closer but please watch at least part of this video.

I am not driving downhill; this is a pothole. They are everywhere. Driving
this city is like surfing... well, like riding an ancient, decrepit roller-coaster.
We heard a tale of someone fitting an entire couch in one. This is not all
that far-fetched.

Abandoned school
Shade-tree philosophers congregating on the Neutral Ground

Best spray-paint tag ever!
Abandoned public pool

Insane scary lizard creature that touched my hand!
It's about two inches long
Imagine looking across the street from your home and finding this every
single day. There's no telling how long this shell of a structure has been
here in this condition or how long in will remain...

They call this part of town the Vietnamese Village


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