Look at this tiny little girl. Cute kid, right?
Turns out, she's kind of a freak.
When I was 14, I spent almost the entire summer with my cousins in Oklahoma. One of my cousins, Brittany, is six months younger than me, and her sister Bailey is 11 months younger than her. (I'm about to find out if either of them read my blog.)
That summer my aunt told me about a time I stayed an extended period with them when I was four years old. Please make sure you coat all dialogue with a syrupy, thick southern-American accent because I lived in Texas at the time:
The three of us were playing nicely with our dolls as little girls are oft to do.
My Aunt Suzie came into the room to find us in this state, the three of us...so adorable.
"Sshhh," cousin Brittany said, "my baby's sleepin'."
"Sshhh..," I mimic in a gentle coo...
"My baby's dead."
But the macabre weirdness didn't stop there...
"She got drunk last night."
And there you have it: the origins of my wildly successful career adulthood.