Tuesday, September 6, 2011

A Very Exclusive & Rare Type of Brain Damage- Practically Coveted

I frequently accidentally say "I'm exciting" when I'm trying to say "I'm excited..." and I once went through a phase where I kept calling things pianos. And by "things" I mean "things that weren't pianos."

Conversation that once occurred at Nancy's:

Me: "Hey is it cool if I jump on your piano?"
Nancy: "What?"
Me: "Is it safe to jump on?"
Nancy: "Do you mean my trampoline?"
Me: "Yes. Did I call it a piano again?"
Nancy: "Yes."
(a half hour later)
Me: "Oh man, that felt weird. I haven't jumped on a piano in like ten years."
Nancy: "You called it a piano again."
Me: "I think I have a weird type of brain damage."

I've also- more than a handful of times- called laptops "pianos" and referred to cars as "guitars."

Speaking of brain damage, I also have an impressive ability to begin as many as seventeen separate sentences in as few as twenty seconds. None of these sentences will be completed and I'm quite certain the world is in no way worse off for this.

When Ashley and I were going through our ladies who lunch juncture, I believe I was about to form a statement about being impatient or having a low tolerance for incompetence (because I'm the most laid back neurotic in the world) when I began, "I have such a short..."

She just let it hang there as I stared off into the distance for no doubt fifteen seconds.

What are some of your exceptional deficiencies?


  1. I call it "lexicographically challenged" because when I try to say that it makes my point even more clear. I seriously have trouble recalling the appropriate word for something about 50% of the time, or I mix two words together to create a word that doesn't exist. Example: "Mount Rushmore" came out "Rount Mushmore" about 20 times when I was in SD. I can often get the category right, but not the subcategory (you may recall me calling "watermelon" "pineapple" a few times during girls weekend a couple years ago - they are both fruit but very different fruits).

    Unrelated, but when I'm typing I confuse the letter O with the number Zero, and S with 5, and E with 3 A LOT.

  2. That's really interesting about confusing the numbers with the letters. They call it a "spoonerism" when you take the first two letters of two words and mix them up (like Rount Mushmore). I especially do that when I'm tired. I've heard some funny ones.

  3. I just want to comment about the billboard that Ashley saw that said, "Abortion stops a beating."

    And she was like, "wha?"

    Turns out it should have said, "abortion stops a beating heart."

    I don't know why I'm reminded of that billboard here. It doesn't really apply.

  4. To Kady: That is the first (and I hope last) time I have laughed over anything to do with an abortion. To Summer: I can't get my two kids names right. No matter how hard I try. No matter how much time I take to think and practice saying the name in my head before I utter the child in questions name. It makes me want to scream and sometimes I do.

  5. I often confuse colors. Like I'll say orange for green or vice versa. Its because I think my brain likes them equally the same so it thinks they're the same. (now insert clever comment from reader about how the way I dress shows how confused I am about color :) ) miss you.


Your comments are why I get out of bed in the morning. Just kidding. But I do like them.