From the Archives. Summer Gripes: Terrible Song Lyrics

Today, Kady's car radio was tuned to a country station and when she ran into the Postal Emporium, this song — "Family Man"— came on the radio. I'll confess I was intrigued by the first few words regarding working as a temp because I thought to myself, what an unusual theme for a country song.

But my amusement was short-lived as the man began to describe his pitiful, pathetic life that involved working a temp job in a factory and driving a used vehicle. His motivation for these enormous sacrifices? Well, his family. He loves his family so much, he's willing to drive a USED TRUCK. Really? 

But I guess it got me thinking about terrible, terrible song lyrics. Here are a few I came up with while I was trying to nap. I'm sorry:

Lenny Kravitz's "Fly Away"

Okay, honestly the entire song is impressively bad and boy do a lot of words rhyme with "fly" but the most unforgivable line is "Let's go and see the stars, the Milky Way, or even Mars." Whoa whoa whoa... I know we kicked out Pluto, but we inhabitants of the Milky Way still claim ownership of Mars, right?

Right?

Really? Why don't we go to Minnesota? Or you know what? Instead, let's bypass Minnesota and go to MINNEAPOLIS!

(I just googled it and this song came out in 1999 which means this has been bothering me for 12 years.)

Train's "Hey Soul Sister"

Well, first of all it's pretty difficult to get over this man singing to the woman he's interested in and calling her "Soul Sister."

*photo stolen from http://www.athletepromotions.com

Also I just found out he was born in France and somehow that makes it even worse. But the truly unforgivable thing is he wrote this lyric: "I'm so obsessed, my heart is bound to beat right outside MY UNTRIMMED CHEST."

Unforgivable.

Need I say more?

Savage Garden's "I Want You"

This whole song makes me really wish that English is their second language, but the worst lyrics are definitely, "I am taken to a place where your crystal mind and MAGENTA FEELINGS take up shelter in the base of my spine SWEET LIKE A CHICA CHERRY COLA."

It might not be so terrible if this was either a promotional song for Cherry Coke or written and sung by tiny Korean pop-starlets, but it's not. It's a love song. Performed by these guys:

*photo stolen from http://mp3.com

Owl City's "Fireflies"

This is hard to watch or listen to, but this line takes the cake for me: "Cuz I'd get a thousand hugs from ten thousand lightening bugs as they tried to teach me how to dance." It's less painful and maybe a bit adorable if you imagine it was written by a young man with a severe autism or a four year old girl.

That's it for now but I'd love to hear your favorite worsts.