Tuesday, June 26, 2012

From the Archives. Summer Gripes: Terrible Song Lyrics

Today, Kady's car radio was tuned to a country station and when she ran into the Postal Emporium, this song — "Family Man"— came on the radio. I'll confess I was intrigued by the first few words regarding working as a temp because I thought to myself, what an unusual theme for a country song.

But my amusement was short-lived as the man began to describe his pitiful, pathetic life that involved working a temp job in a factory and driving a used vehicle. His motivation for these enormous sacrifices? Well, his family. He loves his family so much, he's willing to drive a USED TRUCK. Really? 

But I guess it got me thinking about terrible, terrible song lyrics. Here are a few I came up with while I was trying to nap. I'm sorry:

Okay, honestly the entire song is impressively bad and boy do a lot of words rhyme with "fly" but the most unforgivable line is "Let's go and see the stars, the Milky Way, or even Mars." Whoa whoa whoa... I know we kicked out Pluto, but we inhabitants of the Milky Way still claim ownership of Mars, right?
Really? Why don't we go to Minnesota? Or you know what? Instead, let's bypass Minnesota and go to MINNEAPOLIS!
(I just googled it and this song came out in 1999 which means this has been bothering me for 12 years.)

Well, first of all it's pretty difficult to get over this man singing to the woman he's interested in and calling her "Soul Sister."

*photo stolen from

Also I just found out he was born in France and somehow that makes it even worse. But the truly unforgivable thing is he wrote this lyric: "I'm so obsessed, my heart is bound to beat right outside MY UNTRIMMED CHEST."
Need I say more?

This whole song makes me really wish that English is their second language, but the worst lyrics are definitely, "I am taken to a place where your crystal mind and MAGENTA FEELINGS take up shelter in the base of my spine SWEET LIKE A CHICA CHERRY COLA."
It might not be so terrible if this was either a promotional song for Cherry Coke or written and sung by tiny Korean pop-starlets, but it's not. It's a love song. Performed by these guys:

*photo stolen fro

This is hard to watch or listen to, but this line takes the cake for me: "Cuz I'd get a thousand hugs from ten thousand lightening bugs as they tried to teach me how to dance." It's less painful and maybe a bit adorable if you imagine it was written by a young man with a severe autism or a four year old girl.

That's it for now but I'd love to hear your favorite worsts.


  1. I'm confused. How did my car radio get on a country station??

  2. I don't know what the song is, but it's by Fleetwood Mac and the lyric that grinds on my last nerve is: "Ooooooooo, you make lovin' fun." If anyone ever said that to me I would crawl in a hole and die. Those are the ultimate break-up words because no real relationship could withstand that statement.

  3. Sarah- I think the song is called "You make loving fun" and I completely agree.

  4. I'm not a huge fan of Joni Mitchell, but I don't hate her either. But Counting Crow's version of Big Yellow Taxi so grates on my nerves I want to stab the radio whenever it comes on. "They paved paradise and put up a parkin' lot." EWWW.

    Also, how can you be forgetting Michael Franti & Spearhead's lyric "I like my bass loudy loudy louder!"

    But, I think this takes the cake for vomit-inducing lyrics:

    "Your body Is a wonderland
    Your body is a wonder (I'll use my hands)
    Your body Is a wonderland"

  5. Living in Texas, there are SO many cheesy country lyrics but the one that takes the cake for me has always been, "We're two of a kind, working on a full house." I'll spare you any further misery and stop there.

  6. what about chickity china the chinese chicken, have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin - i mean that line is way bad but sometimes so bad its good but mostly bad - This is monte by the way not Anon

  7. I hate the line, "Just a shy guy looking for a two-ply hefty bag to hold my love". If love needed to be carried in something would you seriously think a two-ply hefty bag would be the best thing to use? Maybe if the person in love was a hobo.

  8. And with this post, Meg's crush turned to fatal attraction. Seriously?? I just read Kady's post about using Dreft and I was like SHE GETS ME and then you bashed Soul Sister and now I am all YOU GET ME!

    And now I am so sad I do not actually know both of you.

    As for lyrics. there is a country song called "This Ain't Nothin" where a man loses his left hand and yet somehow picks up a picture and WHILE holding it, wipes the dirt off of it with the hand he still has. HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE??? I have provided a lyric link to prove that this is so.

  9. "Hey soul sister aint that Mr. Mister on the radio, stereo.... " (or is it Mister Mr.) <--- makes me want to slap Sarah. A crappy song making a reference to a crappy 80s band. Its not bad enough to be subjected to this awful lyric but then to be reminded of Mr. Misters Lyric from their big hit "Take there broken wings and learn to fly again..." is just too much.

  10. I think "paved paradise and put up a parking lot" is deep. Seriously. It's hippie sad/cool with a beat you can dance to.-Kasey

  11. Car Wheels on a Gravel Road is said so much, sorry Lucinda.-Kasey

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