Thursday, August 14, 2014
If you can successfully emotionally manipulate me, I say good on you. Well done.
Like, if you're a couple, and you're 78 and 83 years old, and you're walking past me on the street holding hands and then you—the wife-half of this eternally dedicated partnership—turn to wipe a smidge of strawberry preserves from the snow-white whiskers of the husband-half of this eternally dedicated loyal forever coupling? I salute you. You have not tugged these strings in vain.
However, if you are the director of the Sarah McLachlan animal cruelty video—or, for that matter, the producer of a Sarah McLachlan song: for shame. You are a monster, and you have made a mockery of my compa$$ion.
And if you fall somewhere in between that spectrum, I think what I can offer you is a shrug and pat on the back.
Because I love and hate this so much that I think I've spun the pendulum back to love:
Because it's not coy or clever. Not even a little bit. It is blatantly manipulative—but its flagrance somehow counteracts any shame- or guilt-inducement. And frankly I just respect it.
And you better believe I tried to adopt that 2.5-lb. chihuahua, Wesley. I had already renamed him Atwood. Or maybe I was gonna keep the name Wesley.
Either way, I salute you, manipulator. Or maybe I just wanted that freakin dog.
Please help me continue to blog by clicking through and reading some of these recent posts:
- The Time My Garbage Car Got Cleaned Out by a Thief
- Feminism, Mayonnaise and a Scandal-Induced Shame Spiral
- Adverbs Adverbs Adverbs
Monday, August 11, 2014
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
“I don't know if I'm supposed to give up on love. Or if I should keep pursuing it.”
“Three years ago I was 34 and still really young.”
“I don't know why you're so bad at Kadyisms. All I know is that when I'm doing Summerisms, I listen for all the funny things and then I write them down.”
“Of course it has to be $h!t related!”